I received an email this morning from a friend. In it was one of those powerful and heartfelt stories about noticing and having compassion for people and situations. It was a story that inspired action.
Except for one thing.
Instead of using the power of the “story” to create and inspire action, this document used a threat. Here’s my best recollection, “If you delete this after reading… you’ll spend a year of ill luck.” Boy, I’m pretty inspired.
I could get into a rant about how the underlying, inspiring message of this story was completely corrupted by an act of aggression, but I’ll save that for another day.
Instead, let’s take a look at how this could be a learning tool. Take a moment to ask the following questions:
- Where do you inspire others with your heart?
- Or, where do you get others into action using threats?
I’ll reflect on my own life as a parent. The other day, my six year old son and I were playing kickball in the front yard. He whalloped the ball into the street and made a bee line toward it to retrieve the ball. I immediately yelled, “Don’t you dare go into that street!” What I noticed was it got him to stop, but the look on his face told me a different story.
“Daddy, why are you yelling at me?” he said. In that moment, I realized that the danger didn’t exist in the street. It existed in my relationship with my son. I was a complete threat to him. And he was confused.
Here’s another approach I could have taken. I could have talked to Henry before we started playing. I could have asked him what we might do should the ball make it into the street. I could have asked him what dangers he perceived the street presented. Then I could have had him choose from what he understood. When I’ve done that in the past, he’s consistently chosen action that works for both of us.
Some coaching practice or fieldwork for you to consider (don’t worry, no threat here):
- Recall the last conversation you had with an employee, client, family member or friend in which you offered a choice or gave direction.
- Ask yourself the following: Did I create an opportunity to choose from possibility or from threat?
- Based on the answer to that question, consider the impact of either – possibility or threat.
- For the next week, pay attention to your conversations. Keep a tally of the number of times you make requests or offer choices from possibility and from threat. Keep record of the results for each.
What you find may or may not surprise you. Either way, commit to taking action not around the “how” you go about making requests or offering choices. But take action around the result you’d like to see those requests or offers produce.
As familiar and comfortable as it may be to take action from threat, you may be pleasantly surprised by how big the results are when you take action from possibility.
Don’t forget this, or else!!!! “-)
Happy Heart,
-Coach Preston
