Slippery When Wet

Last week, I had the opportunity to meet a senior executive at one of the three auto manufacturers.  I won’t disclose which one it was above and beyond the blue oval logo.  I was looking forward to a powerful conversation uncovering what’s possible for their business managers in taking on leadership coaching.

 

I had an 11am appointment and was sitting in the lobby at 10:45am.  Enjoying the all glass view overlooking the grounds, I was imagining how this meeting would go.  I said to myself, “They’ll hire me.  I’ll enroll them in huge possibility and they’ll be clambering to start.”  About two minutes later, Jack, a slender, middle-aged gentleman in an expensive, neatly pressed suit, was standing to my side.

 

When we got to his office, we began an enjoyable conversation.  After learning about one another, we turned our conversation to coaching. Then Jack asked me what “process I used.”  I thought “process”?  Hmm, I hadn’t really thought about my coaching like that.  Then he asked again, “Okay, so what’s your process”?  [Gulp]  Is it getting hot in here?  Did I miss something?  Is there a hidden question inside this question?  So I pretty much repeated what I said earlier.  He then asked, “I understand what you do.  So what’s your process”?  At that point, I was searching for the eject button.  It’s not supposed to be going this way!  Help!

 

I can’t believe this.  I’m screwed.  Here I am with a senior executive of (blue oval car company) and I can’t answer a simple question?!  I am TOTALLY SCREWED! 

 

Then it hit me.  I was here to bring possibility and power to a management team through coaching them into leadership and here I was barely able to stay afloat in a simple conversation.  Forget leadership.  I wanted someone else to have the answers.  I wanted someone else to lead. 

 

But there’s no one else – just me and Jack. 

 

So I asked myself, if one of my clients was in this situation, how would I coach him/her?  In the middle of struggling to find the answer, I looked over Jack’s shoulder to his bookcase.  One book stood out, The Authentic Leader. 

 

There was my answer. 

 

“So Jack, I’d like to check in with you.  How’s this interview going?”  He replied, “Preston, I really appreciate your concepts and it’s clear you have some powerful stuff.  And I wouldn’t hire you to work with my top executives.  They’d eat you up and spit you out in a few minutes.  However, I’d like to speak with you more about the next leadership level under them.  That’s how this interview is going.”  Only one response came to mind, “Jack, thanks so much.  This conversation has been some of the best training I’ve gotten since I opened my business.”

 

We shook hands and Jack walked me back to the lobby.  This was the first time I got rejected and DID NOT leave with my tail between my legs.

 

Confronting situations have deep lessons in them if you just take a moment to look.  My lesson was this… Making Messes is Leadership 101. 

 

In other words, I had one vision of how this meeting was to go and it went the other way… it was a mess.  However, had I not had that invaluable experience, I would never:

 

a) take action to create a detailed outline of my coaching process,

b) take the coaching and training that was available in the moment and,

c) have the courage to walk into any executive office of all the other large companies in Detroit to talk about coaching. 

 

So what about you?  What mess are you protecting yourself from?  What mess, if created tomorrow, would be the leadership breakthrough for which you’re waiting?

 

When pursuing leadership, consider that Making Messes is Leadership 101.

 

Happy Mess-Making,

- Coach Preston

Choosing from Possibilty or Threat?

I received an email this morning from a friend.  In it was one of those powerful and heartfelt stories about noticing and having compassion for people and situations.  It was a story that inspired action.

Except for one thing.

Instead of using the power of the “story” to create and inspire action, this document used a threat.  Here’s my best recollection, “If you delete this after reading… you’ll spend a year of ill luck.”  Boy, I’m pretty inspired.

I could get into a rant about how the underlying, inspiring message of this story was completely corrupted by an act of aggression, but I’ll save that for another day.

Instead, let’s take a look at how this could be a learning tool.  Take a moment to ask the following questions:

• Where do you inspire others with your heart? 
• Or, where do you get others into action using threats?

I’ll reflect on my own life as a parent.  The other day, my six year old son and I were playing kickball in the front yard.  He whalloped the ball into the street and made a bee line toward it to retrieve the ball.  I immediately yelled, “Don’t you dare go into that street!”  What I noticed was it got him to stop, but the look on his face told me a different story.

“Daddy, why are you yelling at me?” he said.  In that moment, I realized that the danger didn’t exist in the street.  It existed in my relationship with my son.  I was a complete threat to him.  And he was confused.

Here’s another approach I could have taken.  I could have talked to Henry before we started playing.  I could have asked him what we might do should the ball make it into the street.  I could have asked him what dangers he perceived the street presented.  Then I could have had him choose from what he understood.  When I’ve done that in the past, he’s consistently chosen action that works for both of us.

Some coaching practice or fieldwork for you to consider (don’t worry, no threat here):

1. Recall the last conversation you had with an employee, client, family member or friend in which you offered a choice or gave direction.
2. Ask yourself the following:  Did I create an opportunity to choose from possibility or from threat?
3. Based on the answer to that question, consider the impact of either – possibility or threat.
4. For the next week, pay attention to your conversations.  Keep a tally of the number of times you make requests or offer choices from possibility and from threat.  Keep record of the results for each.

What you find may or may not surprise you.  Either way, commit to taking action not around the “how” you go about making requests or offering choices.  But take action around the result you’d like to see those requests or offers produce.

As familiar and comfortable as it may be to take action from threat, you may be pleasantly surprised by how big the results are when you take action from possibility.

Don’t forget this, or else!!!!  “-)

Happy Heart,

-Coach Preston

“Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.”

As Magorium, the eccentric magician-turned-magic-store-owner in Mr. Margorium’s Wonder Emporium, Dustin Hoffman not only attempts to motivate his store manager, Molly Mahoney, but creates one of the most powerful calls-to-action invented.

This single line surrounded by 100′s of others, punctuates the dilemma all of us face at one point or another in our lives and businesses – not believing in ourselves.

So what is it that causes such turmoil with belief?  It’s likely our past.  Maybe it’s something someone said to us a moment ago.  Perhaps we’ve had a dream, been side tracked by challenges and sit helplessly wishing that dream would come true.

So what is your dream that hasn’t come true?

As an entrepreneur and leader, it’s likely you’ve come up against any number of possible dreams… building your business, moving into that new office space, getting hired by that one enormous client… and they’re all nothing short of delicious.

So if they are that desirable, what is it that gets us stuck?  Consider it’s just two things: a) faith, and b) action.

A) Faith = the willingness to move forward without proof or evidence that it will work.  Fear is a familiar and powerful partner when it comes to keeping you comfortable and safe.  Fear will whisper sweet nothings in your ear about how “you’re just fine” or “you don’t want to work that hard” or “you can’t trust them.”  On the other side of fear, is simply faith.  No proof, no evidence.  Just a desired future.

B) Action = what an agent can do.  In other words, you’re the agent for your business, your communities and your life.  Action is what you can do, or specifically, the behaviour you can take to move something forward.  Again, fear is a powerful partner.  “It’s too difficult” or “You don’t know enough” or “They’re bigger, smarter and faster than you” are all messages from fear.  So you have a choice, no action or action.  Which will serve you better?

So here’s some “fieldwork” you might consider taking on:

1. Make a declaration of what you want – a desired future.
2. Practice eliminating the voice that says anything like “you’re not good enough or smart enough”
3. Replace that voice with the following “My life is an occasion and I’m rising to it.”
4. Ask “What action can I take right now (this moment) to move this project, situation, person, self forward?”
5. Identify one piece of evidence each day that you are moving forward.  (Extra credit: don’t judge the evidence – it’s either present or not.  No big or small conversations here!)

Who you are, what you do and how you contribute to your success and the success of others around you has so little to do with skill or knowledge.  It simply has everything to do with knowing that you are an occasion and that you’re rising to it.

Celebrate yourself as an occasion.

Happy Partying,

-Coach Preston

Where’s The Wisdom In Rationing?

This week I got a real treat by going to the Thursday children’s mass.

Although I love the sermons on Sunday, I’m always curious what will be discussed on Thursdays considering the overwhelmingly adolescent audience. As predicted, I was ready to check my Palm Pilot and write a few notes about the day in front of me while I listened “loosely”.

Until I heard the M & M story.

“As a young child, just like all of you, I took long car trips with my family”, the priest began. “My mom used to keep me and my five brothers and sisters in good behavior on those trips by giving us M & M’s. She’d ration them out to each one of us based on our behavior. If it was good, we got more. If it was not, we got very few.”

Then he asked, “What is rationing?”

A rather astute youngster raised her hand and answered, “It’s the controlled distribution of resources and scarce goods and services.” Clearly she’s a daughter of an economist. And, this was starting to get better.

The priest continued, “So where do we typically ration in our lives?”

There were several answers: “When we’re playing with our sisters or brothers, when a friend and I want to play with the same toy, each week when my mom and dad give me my allowance…”

And then the priest said something that hit me like a sucker-punch:

“God does not ration. God loves 100% of you 100% of the time. God does not ration.”

I put down my Palm Pilot.

For in that moment, I realized that I was rationing my attention. I was giving some of it to the sermon, some of it to the device that’s attached to my hip, and likely more to my thoughts of my upcoming day.

And if that was simply the most obvious place I noticed my rationing, where else have I been doing the same?

Here are some places that occurred to me:

a) I schedule appointments almost back to back – what am I rationing there?
b) I get irritated when I don’t receive my monthly discount coupon from my airport parking lot friends – what am I rationing there?
c) I stop myself from making a sales call on a “very prominent and important person” – what am I rationing there?
d) I go about most days believing that I’m the only one who can take care of A, B or C – what am I rationing there?
e) I avoid being with some family members that I don’t particularly like – what am I rationing there?

So what am I rationing in the examples above?

a) Time
b) Money
c) Confidence
d) Trust
e) Love

It struck me that I spend a decent amount of time rationing my resources. That I withhold my time, money, confidence, trust and love from many people and situations. And it’s not just me.

So what makes it so prevalent, this withholding or rationing?

Consider we’re just simply afraid of not having enough for ourselves. And consider that fear comes from us not being enough for OURselves.

When was the last time you said YOU were enough for YOU? When you said, “I’m totally sufficient for myself?” If you’re like many, it’s been a long time, if ever.

So we wonder why our businesses don’t make it when we run into challenges; the ones we’ll inevitably run into. We wonder why employees don’t work out. We wonder why clients leave us. We wonder why our marriages or relationships fail.

We ration our M & M’s.

So I’ll leave this last thought and an invitation to create some space to truly listen:

What one area of your life will be transformed if you were to offer it all of your M & M’s?

Happy Sugar Buzz,
-Coach Preston

"Clean up in Aisle 9"

Yesterday, I got my backside handed to me. Fortunately, it was delivered on a silver platter.

I was late for a phone call with someone who’s interested in our coaches training program. For the second time in two weeks.

“Preston, I can understand being a few minutes late for an appointment. But I cannot understand why this happened again. It’s making me feel like you don’t care. And it’s making me very skeptical of doing business with you.”

Ouch. I said to myself, “Well this is going to be an interesting book considering the introduction that’s just been written…”

So how come I sharing this today? I’m sharing because this conversation was one of the most powerful and insightful moments I’ve had this month.

I do what I do as a coach because of my commitment to make a difference. I take on a partnership with other human beings with one intention in mind – to support them in breaking through the barriers that consistently stop them.

This person sought me out to get support around stepping into what’s next for her in her life. On the several occasions we’ve talked, she’s created an enormous possibility in becoming a professional coach. I’ve had the opportunity to coach her on what’s stopping her, acknowledge and have compassion for her struggle to discover what’s next, and to support her in creating action based on her commitment to what’s next rather than the circumstances that will get in the way.

So for me, what occurred yesterday wasn’t about me being embarrassed and upset about my breakdown, it was that I realized my actions (or lack of) were putting this person’s possibility at risk. That realization was totally devastating.

What did I learn from this experience? And how did it end? Let’s take a look.

If you’re completely anxious about how it ended, here’s how:

She’s registering for our coach training program.

Here’s what I learned:

When I create a mess, own it. It’s so tempting for me to come up with one to 45 excuses about why I was late or missed our call time. But how would those excuses serve this person? Excuses are TOTALLY about me, not about them. So instead, I took ownership of the mess I made which not only diffused potential upset, but I got my power back. And having my power back allowed me to get back to being in service to this person which is all about cleaning up the mess.

When I create a mess, clean it up in the moment. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” then take action later about cleaning up – send them a note, buy them a gift, or whatever action I might take. But that just delays the clean up AND has me deciding what the “clean up” should be. The other person is still swimming around in the mess I’ve created and likely never has his/her needs truly addressed. So instead, I asked “What do you need right now from me so that we can keep moving forward?” I got an answer and I delivered on that answer. In the moment.

Listen to get the coaching. After owning and cleaning up my mess, I now had an opportunity to receive coaching. Yes, me the coach. This woman suggested I take a look at all the things I’m doing and to consider that I just might have too much on my plate. So much that it’s likely I’ll miss appointments with other people too. I’ve now committed to removing anything from my schedule that’s less than a 100% commitment. I got some powerful coaching.

Here are some things for you to consider:

a) Where does this story ring true for you?
b) Where are you making messes in your business or your life and delaying or denying cleaning them up?
c) What’s the impact of denying the messes or delaying any clean up?
d) What’s the coaching for you in making messes, owning them and cleaning them up?
e) What current mess will you take ownership and action on today?

As an entrepreneur and leader, messes are an inevitable part of my process. I’ve made them in the past, I’ll make them today, and I’m confident I’ll make them in the future.

So for me, it’s not about avoiding them. It’s about shifting my relationship to them. It’s about sharing them openly. It’s about owning them and taking action around cleaning them up and learning a lesson.

Because in any mess I make, there’s an incredibly juicy opportunity to breakthrough a barrier that’s currently stopping me.

Happy Mop-up,
-Coach Preston